They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize