He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
