Farmville is her only friend.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
