Cold hands, warm shart.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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