sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
