I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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