The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
