"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize