I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
