you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
