8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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