didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
