Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
