i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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