tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
