I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
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