people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize