It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
