So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
