Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
