I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
