i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
