We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
