Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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