I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Randomize
