It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
