Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize