If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
