That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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