the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
