For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
people are starting to question the shark bite story
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize