Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I'm just crazy horny about you
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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