i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
