I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
