i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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