So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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