she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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