the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
