she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
