I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
