I'm pants shitting drunk right now
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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