So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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