I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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