he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
