Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
