We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
