Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
