I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize