Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
