Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
