Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
