Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
