it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
