Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
