Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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