Pregnant stripper...not hot.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
