And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
