I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Randomize
