Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize