I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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