I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
